Not long after sending my book manuscript to Barbara Brabec--for what I thought was going to be a simple copyediting job--she called to say there was some literature related to my remarks in the Bible chapter that I ought to read before I went public with them. In truth, I had come down pretty hard against the Bible, believing then that it was full of contradictions and that God was far from being benevolent and loving.

Barbara gently admonished me to be careful about what I was preaching to others and then gave me books written by Greg Laurie, John MacArthur, Jr., Charles Shepson, Erwin Lutzer, and D. James Kennedy. I read all these books objectively, and they opened my eyes to the truth I had ignored for so long. I then went out and purchased other Christian books by Charles Stanley and, of course, the beloved Billy Graham. (Link to these Christian authors and ministries here.)

Upon finishing this literature, I knew I needed to petition the real expert on Jesus Christ--the Father. So, I read the Bible again, cover-to-cover, this time with a whole new perspective and a God-enlightened mind. I finished one version of the Bible and felt an overwhelming need--which I now know was the Holy Spirit’s voice--calling me to ask Jesus Christ back into my heart. Like most people, I did not seek out a priest, minister, padre, or any other man of God. I wanted communion with the Man himself, feeling that, for me, cutting out the middleman was the best option.

I can’t explain why--maybe it’s the privacy of the shower or maybe it’s the feeling of the warm gentle water on me--but this is where I prefer to talk to the Lord. It was here that I got down on my knees and asked his loving and merciful forgiveness for every sin I could remember. And I continued by apologizing for the ones I didn’t remember but was confident he did. Man, oh man . . . I know his ears were tired that night, and I am glad that patience is one of his virtues!

I expressed to him the realization that I was only human, and, without him, I could not live a better life. I realized it would be frivolous and demeaning to his intelligence for me to promise I would not sin again. I also realized that, because of my human frailty, I would stumble in the future, but I did promise him that I would not fall again into my previous life and to Satan through his lies.

There are, however, some things I did promise him I would not do again, and I have kept those oaths. First, I promised I would not drink again because of the terrible way I had handled alcohol in the past. Second, I took an oath that I would not put myself in temptation’s way, such as going to strip clubs, bars, etc. Third, I asked God to make his will the center of my life and to give me the trust to allow him to lead me where he wants me to go. Lastly, I asked him for the wisdom to read the Bible and use this book to help spread the Gospel. I also requested my Lord to make me his protégée--that is, I asked him to be my teacher. If he would honor me with this, I promised to be the meek student, always eager to listen, learn, and be one who would never take the glory of God. I knew that, without the Father, I would still be destined for hell with the rest of those who turn their back on him.

Therefore, in his infinite wisdom, and in a gentle way, God had humbled my whole perspective of self-help. He allowed me a taste of what Hades will be like, and, trust me, ladies and gentlemen . . . this is not a place you want to experience for an eternity. It will be a constant hunger for what you worshiped here on earth, a hunger that can never be filled. For a while, I had a sexual appetite that could not be filled. I wanted to make love to every woman I met, thinking it would fill that hole within me. I was like the alcoholic who finishes a drink and immediately reaches for the next one; like the drug addict who finishes a line or shot and craves yet another; like the man who loves money and is always looking for the next big deal, or the power-hungry woman looking for the next career opportunity. I was like the politician looking to win the next election, the prostitute looking for her next John, the John looking for his next prostitute, and the predator looking for its next prey. Glory be to God that he has taken from me that constant hunger that no woman, drug, or mental health expert could remove.

Only God, through the Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, can take your addiction--whatever it may be--and control the demons that haunt your life!

I would love to be able to say that I hear the voice of God, have had visions from Jesus Christ, or am visited by angels, but that would be a lie. I do know, however--with all my being--that God is speaking to me through the Holy Spirit. I know with every drop of blood he has given me that my life has been a testimony to his glory. The love of God has taken me–a man who has broken every commandment, spurned the Bible as lies, and deserves no mercy--and made me a true follower of his word.