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Understanding and Dealing with Anger by Shawn Smith Depression can manifest itself in many ways, such as anger. But anger is also a natural response to some things that may happen to you. Often you cannot immediately discover what is behind the anger, but it can put you in touch with the fact that something is wrong. Anger can also be a source of discovery. If you can learn to trust your feeling of anger and express the feeling respectfully, you may be able to identify what the anger is about and the primary feelings behind it. Anger is often a normal and appropriate response to those for whom you feel the anger. It is a part of assertion, a way to raise self-esteem by being open and direct about how you feel inside. It is taking a risk. It is also a way to assert your boundaries to let others know in what situations you become angry. Anger can also be a gift that is effective in brief, to-the-point, open, and direct ways. In this way, you know where you stand and so does the other person. This feeling provides an opportunity to resolve both the anger and the primary feelings behind it. This can lead to becoming closer to the other person since you have taken a risk, have become vulnerable, and disclosed a part of whom you are. Anger is a healthy release because it takes an enormous amount of energy to suppress your anger. (If you use all your energy suppressing your emotions, you will probably feel fatigued, bored, and uneasy.) Finally, anger is a form of protection, and if you do not express your anger for yourself and others openly, directly, and respectfully, you may end up distorting your anger and forcing others away from you. Five Ways to Alleviate Anger To alleviate the above symptoms, try your best to express your anger in constructive ways. First, take responsibility for your own normal angry feelings. Admit that you are angry when you are, and don’t blame your anger on another. No one but you can make you feel angry. Second, do not build up hostility toward a blow up. Express your angry feelings at the time you become angry. This will keep your anger under control so it is not destructive to you or others. Third, express your angry feelings honestly and assertively so that no one is hurt in the process. This means effectively communicating your feelings in a way that does not put the other person on the defensive, and in such a way that he or she has a possibility of understanding the problem and changing his or her behavior as you request. Fourth, if the anger is intense and you feel like exploding, try nondestructive physical activity to blow off steam. Fifth, learn to express your feelings as they are developing. The use of "I statements" are especially good as this avoids blaming or putting down others. _________ An excerpt from FIND HAPPINESS! How to Fill the VOID in Your Life by LOOKING, FEELING, and LIVING BETTER! by Shawn Smith (Knight for Christ Publishing, 2007). Copyright © 2007 by Shawn Smith.
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